More of my story

My down fall, Well we moved to tx, the house was some people were nice.I mainly stayed to myself, No friends.
I took care of the house, kids, everything.anything important for the two boys I had to handle it,their father didn't want to deal with things.Anything that happened with school,I was sent to deal with it and although I did agree with the school because I knew how these kids were,their father wanted me to get them out of trouble.
It was a never ending night mare.the middle kid could start with me while his father was gone and when he'd walk into the door he'd see me raising my voice to the kid for cursing me or trying to raise a hand to me and the child lie and say"i wasn't doing anything she just yelled at me",I couldn't win.
The oldest kid decided one day to whip me with a phone wire leaving a sore on my arm,he destroyed the house,pouring bleach all over the place including on my sons blanket, thank goodness he was in my arms then.This kid was mad at the fact I was going to call my friend donna who was a cop and looked out for me.He punched his brother because both fought,I ran and had the cop called,I did the hardest thing,I pressed charges and the eldest who was 14 was locked up for ten days in juvi.
Instead of his father whom told me"call the police when they get out of hand" being on my side,he simply said"are you happy now, you got rid of him".I wasn't happy by no means,I was upset because he turned his back on me, he was suppose to be my protector,instead he took his kids sides all the time even after he was told things by his father and stepmother and still didn't believe it was true that somehow"I had something to do with it or I was a liar",which ever the fact was,I never changed my stories nor lied,the cops knew, heck they were at my house at least 70 times because of them.
So here I am in probation office,I told the PO what happened and we had to call a lawyer for the kid,I wanted him there till he was at least 18,he needed to learn how to treat women and show respect to them but that never happened,there was no justice for me.The lawyer he had I wished he could of been a fly on the wall in my house to see this kid can play people like a fiddle and I might add his brother was good at it too.
He had to serve the ten days and got 1 yr probation,I was not happy.He got his brother to abuse me instead because if he layed one hand on me he'd be locked up again.This didn't stop him or his brother for being pigs in frount of me or my son,this didn't stop him or his brother for useing curse words and calling me nasty names,instead he would command his brother to do his deed for him anything to get rid of me.
One night i was bathing my son, the middle kid tried blocking me to get out the bathroom,I asked him to move and his father was right in the living room,he wouldn't so I went to walk over him and get him out of my way,he hauled off and punched me,I was in tears, his father said"well he said you pushed him ,you deserved to be hit"I was so depressed by then.
Their father was no prize either, he'd yell all the time,he'd belittled me in frount of them and this gave them cause to treat me any way they wanted.The kids never cleaned up after their dogs and he stepped in a mess,he sat and said soemthing and threw the tissue paper with dog mess on me demanding me to clean it up.
"Go a head call the police they won't believe you there's no law that say's I can't whip my step mother or beat her, dad won't believe you,he knows your a liar"this was all I heard on top of other things, My sister in law and I came up with an idea,call her house and let the answearing machine pick up recording when the harrassed me,this went on for a yr,she heard them kicking my bedroom door in, she heard the nasty things they said,she heard the eldest ring leader saying horrible things, kicking, punching my door in non stop,I had rug burns trying to keep the door shut,one time they held me on the bed so i couldn't leave my house, my in laws were affraid they'd try and rape me because of the way they were.
I went to a womens shelter for help,at first it was a dark moment for me, my poor son cried but he adjusted well,me I was in a state.I was affraid that they'd find me,thats always the first thought "oh my God they'll see me,they'll snatch my son",then I was able to talk to the workers there,I had a few couselors whom I spoke with and went to some classes,I was required to go to a few each week.I leanred I was a human being first,the legal aid people determined after reading my documented journal and other things,this was abuse for sure.Because these two were minors,only chance of me seeing justice was them being in juvi hall till they were 18,their father on the other hand might of had to face the responsibility of taking their down fall since he refused to listen nor protect me.
I made some friends,I wasn't there to judge we were all there for the same reason.I sat in a class where they showed a movie of man treating his wife such as my former step kids treated me when their dad wasn't around and I cried,I cried and broke down,they had to hold me,I shook,I said"thats how I was treated and I was called those names".I walked out and many people asked me if I was alright,I just nodded.
when asked where I was,their father would say"if shes not back by fri I'll file for divorce"everyone couldn't believe, here your wife is missing, you have no idea where she is and you don't look for her at all,thats real nice.
I came back to work things out,I was told later by those kids"dad thinks your lying about the shelter ,you were probley sling around",oh they said all kinds of things,I had no say in anything anymore,I was depressed,I lost alot of weight,I was 89 lbs,i looked horrible,I could see my bones through my skin.
So I decided,I'd get an apartment in town, ask my family for some money and just go,I paided the deposit and my application fee and I was in,It was a nice one bedroom apartment, nobody bothered me, it was big enough for my son and I.The day i was going to leave, the eldest said"dad tell joanne stop useing your money for an apartment"I was PO'd,I said"i didn't use your money my parents helped me" he asked me if I was moving out I said"yes",well he blew up"then get your sh and leave, don't come back",I said"fine".My friends family came and help me load what i could in the cars, the police showed up, the cop knew this was for the better,the eldest one smirked"hahaha I got dad to kick you out",everytime I tried packing ,the kid call my son to come to him,little did he know his PO show up, the middle kid cursed and whined I was taking my son,I went to that Po and said"you people have been fooled, that kid has fooled all the couselors,he's played you like a fiddle, he's had his brother do the dirty work for him and I got no say in anything,I can't even go speak to the family counselor because the kid tries to get his dad to not allow me to go,wheres the justice for me"?He just looked dumb founded.The cop tried talking to them all but he was told to leave, he did tell him the kids were liars,that they have gotten calls and complaints of what they've done and your wife is being unfairly treated, their father told the cop"I want her off my prooperty now, this is her fault etc".
Once in the aparatment,I could do what i wanted, first i unpacked alittle,I was crying alot,the landlords here very nice to me and my son,i can't say nothing bad.They treated us like human beings.I was so affraid,that they'd try and harrasse me,I had a court order of protection placed on them to stay away and a paper that they couldn't come on property.First thing I did was get some food,things my son needed.I then went to a center for absued women{one piece of advise if your state or city offers you resources, use them,they do help},I showed them my book,signed some papers,they helepd me with legal aid,they helped me with clothing because all i took was what I could get,they helped with food,bathroom things like soap and shampoo, toys for my son,we had nothing really,I was starting on my own.
I applyed for food stamps{like i said if you need it, use it},I got that,then I had to find a job which was next to impossible because I don't drive,i walk alot but don't drive.I took care of my son, he came first,I came last.
The first night in our apartment,I blocked the doors with boxes and suit cases,anything heavy to keep them out,I had nightmares and cried,this went one for weeks.I found out later I suffer ptsd,post stress disorder, it's very common in any case of violence.I went to a couselor and talked,she became my friend and guided me as well.When I had to go to court,I was mad, the same people who saw what these kids did to me also turned their backs except donna,my in laws refused to take the stand for me, the one cop refused,thats nice here these people who protected me and who came to my aid refused, i lost repsect for them.I would of taken a stand for them if I had to,I would of stuck up for them.More later.....

My inspiration

It wasn't always perfectBut my love was, was always trueAnd what we made will echo through the yearsAnd the hope of edens comfortFills my each tomorrowSomehow I found a rainbow in my tears(Chorus)BeautifulBeautifulAngels before wingsWho touched my soulAnd forever willMake my dreams more beautiful(Solo)(Half Chorus)Yes who touched my soulAnd forever willMake my dreams more beautifulLa, la, la, hmm(Tag)Make my dreams more beautiful

This is part of a song by Bill Medley that is on a dvd I made for Bill, He has become my inspiration each day because of his courage,strangth and faith.A yr ago he lost his family to an act of evil by two men who will stand trial for the crime however in all the nightmare Bill has found away to help others.He has formed the Petit foundation, he made medals for the kids at the recent 5 k race that raised money for the foundation.

through everything he's gone through, something has personally touched my heart.As you read further into my story somewhere I have found strangth. Please find all the lyrics to the song below.

You danced into my heartLike sunshine on the waterYou made my world a better place to beAnd where ever I may goOn this crazy road called lifeI'll always keep a piece of you with me(Chorus)BeautifulBeautifulAngels before wingsWho touched my soulAnd forever willMake my dreams more beautifulIt wasn't always perfectBut my love was, was always trueAnd what we made will echo through the yearsAnd the hope of edens comfortFills my each tomorrowSomehow I found a rainbow in my tears(Chorus)BeautifulBeautifulAngels before wingsWho touched my soulAnd forever willMake my dreams more beautiful(Solo)(Half Chorus)Yes who touched my soulAnd forever willMake my dreams more beautifulLa, la, la, hmm(Tag)Make my dreams more beautiful

End the abuse and violence towards women

For so many years I have kept to myself my most inner nightmares.I am a woman who's been abused and attacked.

Each day from the time I was 21 till I was 31,I suffered nightmare and night sweats because I was affraid of being alone,heres my story.

I didn't date much at all,I mainly kept to myself,going to doowop shows, meeting entertainers who are friend's but I never really dated anyone.

I met someone{i'll leave his name out} who i knew ,he was a nice man at first but he turned diffrent.He tried very hard to get me to sleep with him but I was still a virgin and wanted to save myself for that special someone,little did I know what this person had in mind.

One night after a date, we went back to his place,he threw me on his bed, tore off my panties and as I was saying"NO"! he shoved his fist in me,taking something that wasn't his.I went home, sore and crying,I took a shower and cried the whole time.I never told the police because I was scared,I never told family either because I was affraid my parents would think I was disgusting.I kept it to myself all those years, everytime I saw this person around town I'd cringe,I'd shake wondering if he'll try something else.

I didn't speak to anyone about it,I tucked it away and just lived in my own world of fear.Then I started dating someone who was to become my other nightmare,We moved to fl and he started drinking badly.It was a controling, verbal abusive relationship.I tried so hard to make it work, what a fool i was to think I could help him if he didn't want to help himself.I worked a job which was ok, i was a housekeeper for Marineland in Fl.

He would show up out of know where, speaking to my supervisor and then when I got home he belittled me as if to punish me for something that happened at work and he wasn't even employed there.It was just way out of left field for me.He would get so stinking drunk and tried having his way with me many times, some of the times I could get away and sometimes he'd hold me down.We'd go out to for example a company party and he made a fool out of himself, drunk, rubbing my bosses neck in frount of me, it was a gross judgement of behavor.

I decided to change job, I loved the new job, walking distance to home,nice people, I made one mistake, getting him a night job there.I was over him so what i said went,he decided to drink with guests and I had him fired,he was not happy.When I was so sick, he wouldn't take me to the doctors till I begged him too.I finally had it when he took my pay and my christmas bonus I worked hard for and gave it to his drunk friend,I finally left and went back to Ny.

Above is me in 2003,I waited 31 year's to see Paul anka,I still have long hair but under all of that smile I lived another nightmare in a world of darkness.

My former step kids, boys abused me.People don't think this can happen but it dose and did.The eldest was the first to start it, he wanted me gone, he didn't like rules or structure.He lied many times and his father believed him.

When did it all begin, when I was expecting my child.he tried kicking me in the tummy and rasing his hands to me,he would tell me"F you" when he was told to do something or fight with his brothe rnon stop.the stress caused my baby to be born small 3lbs 15 oz's and remaiend in the hospital for 9 long days.They came to the hospital and fought,I had to chase them away,I couldn't handle their fighting in frount of me anymore.

then they would email their mother lies,she'd be hrs and lie to them anything to do to get me in trouble for nothing ,all because these kids didn't want me around.See when their father was alone, they did what they wanted, no rules,nobody around to watch them, when i came into the picture there were some rules, I watched them and they didn't like it.

So they went to their aunts but the night before the eldest fought again, so he was told when he came back he had no computer use for 1 week,well he wasn't happy.He went to his aunts and they had cooked up an idea that their mother would come and visit them, she grilled them and the eldest got his brother to go along with it,they told her i was mean, i didn't clean their rooms, i did this and that which was all a big fat lie.

We went to texas to visit and look for a home,i had a funny feeling the whole time because each kid was acting diffrent.The middle kid use to call me"mom" every now and then,which was fine but the eldest grabbed him and said"remember the promsie we made mom"I asked about it and was cursed at.

The eldest slapped my face in my in laws house, so i walked out and cried, when we got home there was a vistor, seems those two cooked up a major story to their mother to either have me arrested or leave.It not only broke my heart but upset me that it made me sick.I finally was told they lied because one was mad because he lost the computer so to get even they lied,they had to tell the guy the truth and all was dropped.

We then moved to TX,My worst nightmare.The eldest thought who he was,When his father was not around he'd throw me into walls, raise his hands to me, try hitting my little one, cursing me, refusing to listen, used sexual remarks towards me and he was only 14 yrs old.I told his father but he turned his back and the same answear was"i'm not home at night or call this one or call the police",he flat out refused to acknowledge anything because this kid was so good at lying.I was told over and over"who do you think dad will believe" and then came the smirks.

Constint fighting first thing ever morning,it was a break when they were at school except there they went to boot camp and they didn't like it one bit.When their father left, the ears went up, the horns went up and teh tails came out, non stop till 11pm when they'd decide to got o bed teh absue continued.My computer was no longer mine, the eldest took over it, he controled who touched it, how long his brother could be on it, I never got to use it except late at night when I could think.I called my family many tiems crying and begging for help,I was headed for a down fall, more later......