For so many years I have kept to myself my most inner nightmares.I am a woman who's been abused and attacked.
Each day from the time I was 21 till I was 31,I suffered nightmare and night sweats because I was affraid of being alone,heres my story.
I didn't date much at all,I mainly kept to myself,going to doowop shows, meeting entertainers who are friend's but I never really dated anyone.
I met someone{i'll leave his name out} who i knew ,he was a nice man at first but he turned diffrent.He tried very hard to get me to sleep with him but I was still a virgin and wanted to save myself for that special someone,little did I know what this person had in mind.
One night after a date, we went back to his place,he threw me on his bed, tore off my panties and as I was saying"NO"! he shoved his fist in me,taking something that wasn't his.I went home, sore and crying,I took a shower and cried the whole time.I never told the police because I was scared,I never told family either because I was affraid my parents would think I was disgusting.I kept it to myself all those years, everytime I saw this person around town I'd cringe,I'd shake wondering if he'll try something else.
I didn't speak to anyone about it,I tucked it away and just lived in my own world of fear.Then I started dating someone who was to become my other nightmare,We moved to fl and he started drinking badly.It was a controling, verbal abusive relationship.I tried so hard to make it work, what a fool i was to think I could help him if he didn't want to help himself.I worked a job which was ok, i was a housekeeper for Marineland in Fl.
He would show up out of know where, speaking to my supervisor and then when I got home he belittled me as if to punish me for something that happened at work and he wasn't even employed there.It was just way out of left field for me.He would get so stinking drunk and tried having his way with me many times, some of the times I could get away and sometimes he'd hold me down.We'd go out to for example a company party and he made a fool out of himself, drunk, rubbing my bosses neck in frount of me, it was a gross judgement of behavor.
I decided to change job, I loved the new job, walking distance to home,nice people, I made one mistake, getting him a night job there.I was over him so what i said went,he decided to drink with guests and I had him fired,he was not happy.When I was so sick, he wouldn't take me to the doctors till I begged him too.I finally had it when he took my pay and my christmas bonus I worked hard for and gave it to his drunk friend,I finally left and went back to Ny.
Above is me in 2003,I waited 31 year's to see Paul anka,I still have long hair but under all of that smile I lived another nightmare in a world of darkness.
My former step kids, boys abused me.People don't think this can happen but it dose and did.The eldest was the first to start it, he wanted me gone, he didn't like rules or structure.He lied many times and his father believed him.
When did it all begin, when I was expecting my child.he tried kicking me in the tummy and rasing his hands to me,he would tell me"F you" when he was told to do something or fight with his brothe rnon stop.the stress caused my baby to be born small 3lbs 15 oz's and remaiend in the hospital for 9 long days.They came to the hospital and fought,I had to chase them away,I couldn't handle their fighting in frount of me anymore.
then they would email their mother lies,she'd be hrs and lie to them anything to do to get me in trouble for nothing ,all because these kids didn't want me around.See when their father was alone, they did what they wanted, no rules,nobody around to watch them, when i came into the picture there were some rules, I watched them and they didn't like it.
So they went to their aunts but the night before the eldest fought again, so he was told when he came back he had no computer use for 1 week,well he wasn't happy.He went to his aunts and they had cooked up an idea that their mother would come and visit them, she grilled them and the eldest got his brother to go along with it,they told her i was mean, i didn't clean their rooms, i did this and that which was all a big fat lie.
We went to texas to visit and look for a home,i had a funny feeling the whole time because each kid was acting diffrent.The middle kid use to call me"mom" every now and then,which was fine but the eldest grabbed him and said"remember the promsie we made mom"I asked about it and was cursed at.
The eldest slapped my face in my in laws house, so i walked out and cried, when we got home there was a vistor, seems those two cooked up a major story to their mother to either have me arrested or leave.It not only broke my heart but upset me that it made me sick.I finally was told they lied because one was mad because he lost the computer so to get even they lied,they had to tell the guy the truth and all was dropped.
We then moved to TX,My worst nightmare.The eldest thought who he was,When his father was not around he'd throw me into walls, raise his hands to me, try hitting my little one, cursing me, refusing to listen, used sexual remarks towards me and he was only 14 yrs old.I told his father but he turned his back and the same answear was"i'm not home at night or call this one or call the police",he flat out refused to acknowledge anything because this kid was so good at lying.I was told over and over"who do you think dad will believe" and then came the smirks.
Constint fighting first thing ever morning,it was a break when they were at school except there they went to boot camp and they didn't like it one bit.When their father left, the ears went up, the horns went up and teh tails came out, non stop till 11pm when they'd decide to got o bed teh absue continued.My computer was no longer mine, the eldest took over it, he controled who touched it, how long his brother could be on it, I never got to use it except late at night when I could think.I called my family many tiems crying and begging for help,I was headed for a down fall, more later......
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